Thanksgiving, according to legend, is a time for friends and family to join together in convivial harmony, doing things like hugging and saying grace around a polished mahogany table moaning under the weight of a glimmering, 200-pound turkey surrounded by heaps of artery-clogging sides. Everyone is wearing his finest sweater, and no one is drunk.
That's the idea, anyway. In practice, Thanksgiving tends to be a little less Rockwell and little more well, this: Jovial laughter gives way to a heated argument over Obamacare, followed by fork-throwing. Your Great Aunt Mae asks if this is the year you're finally getting married, before attempting to set you up with your cousin. In a welcome act of deus ex machina, the turkey catches fire.
These are just a few reasons why a person might opt out of celebrating a "traditional" Thanksgiving, and justifiably so. A mid-week day off comes only so often, so why waste it? Here are some alternatives:
- Volunteer. For Sandy victims, or anyone else who needs a hand this year.
- Brave the crowds and check out the one and only Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, before the dastardly helium shortage kills it for good.
- See that pile of laundry? Now's the time.
- See that pile of overdue bills? Now's the time.
- Watch football, in your bathrobe, cradling your most precious bottle of whiskey/malt liquor.
Got another plan? We're not here to judge, but we do want to know what you're doing. If you're not brining a giant bird with loved ones (who you may or may not secretly hate) how will you be spending Turkey Day? Tell us in the comments.